"Those of us who struggle with depression are all too familiar with the act of creating justifications to others and ourselves to avoid simple situations, often leading towards further isolation and a deeper depression.
During a depressive episode, I often find a thousand reasons to avoid, deflect, and hide from the world. These excuses are not just rehearsed, they're honest glimpses into the struggles unfolding within my mind and body. These excuses are born from a genuine place of hardship, mirroring the very real challenges I'm battling beneath the surface.
These excuses are valid because, despite best efforts, sometimes our emotions take a toll; it’s not losing the battle, but it’s putting down the sword when it gets too heavy. So let’s talk about some of these excuses and why it is important to recognize them as signs for those who may be struggling:
- “I’m fine.” / “I’m just stressed.”
Reality is that “stressed” is more socially acceptable than “depressed.” - “I just don’t feel like going out.”
A way to isolate without alarming others. In reality, Social withdrawal is a major red flag for depression.
- “It’s not that bad. Other people have it worse.”
Minimizing pain because of guilt or shame. Pain isn’t a competition. Your suffering is valid
- “I’m just tired.”
A go-to excuse when emotional exhaustion shows up as physical fatigue. But chronic tiredness can be a symptom of depression.
- “I don’t feel good/ I think I’m getting sick”
An easily accepted justification that does not involve many questions, physical depression can feel like a common flu, which is accompanied by symptoms.
It's valid to experience a range of emotions, especially with depression. Often, it feels easier to offer a quick, believable explanation rather than acknowledging the idea of not being okay. I understand this so deeply, having constructed justifications and convincing myself of their validity to mask the underlying truth. A sense of shame and guilt can accompany depression, that feeling of being a burden mutes the honest admission of struggling, of mental health faltering, of simply being depressed.
Realizing that the only way to get better is by admitting to yourself and others the real reasoning why you just can’t go places or deal with situations. I still struggle to tell people when I need help, but every time you do it, the muscle memory builds. So, I will leave you with this quote from coach and best-selling author Brad Stulberg:
“Just keep showing up. Ask for help when you need it. Remember the voices in your head are just voices. You don’t need to act on them. And be kind to yourself because hard experiences are hard”.
Always remember you are not alone, and it’s okay not to be okay.
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