Throughout my recovery journey, I've participated in a variety of resources, from attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and group therapy sessions to engaging with online mental health forums, listening to addiction and recovery podcasts, and exploring self-help books. These experiences have provided me with invaluable insights and knowledge. As I continue to dive deeper into self-reflection and continue to explore my recovery, I consistently encounter a recurring theme: learning to live life on life's terms. I wanted to discuss this topic for today's post.
Defining this topic will look different for each individual. The basis of living life on life's terms is acknowledging the good and the ugly without resistance or unrealistic expectations. It is facing challenges head-on with resilience, adapting to change, and finding peace within the imperfections of our lives. Ultimately, it's about letting go of the need to control everything and embracing the flow of life, even when it's difficult. For some, this is easy; they are ‘go with the flow’ or ‘is what it is’ type of people, just ones who can let go of the need to be in control.
I, myself, am no stranger to the power struggle for control. For much of my life, I felt lost in chaos, desperately grasping for normalcy. This constant state of being out of control forced me into survival mode, where simply getting through each day became the primary objective. In the early stages of recovery, I found myself battling the constant negative mindset, the one that dictated how I reacted to situations, how I perceived others, and, most critically, how I felt about myself. For too long, I fell victim to catastrophizing, trapped in a rigid, black-and-white world of no understanding.
Almost three years into my recovery journey, I've spent considerable time confronting my inner thoughts and learning to navigate them. Through effort and seeking guidance, I've developed coping skills to manage my thoughts. While every day presents a new choice in how I handle the thoughts in my mind, I acknowledge the variety of emotions that arise, from bad days to good, sadness to gratitude, and even anger. Amidst these fluctuations, I constantly remind myself that healing isn't a linear process. Even if I pause or take a small step back, it is not the end of the world as long as I avoid returning to where I began.
I made the conscious choice to live life on life’s terms and learn from them. Change and giving up control is terrifying, but we do not deserve to live in survival mode. No matter how isolating it may feel, how much you believe you're losing, or how resistant to change you might be, remember that someone is always cheering you on. That someone is you. Right now, it may not seem like that winner in you exists, but they are still there. No one is cheering you on more than the counter thoughts in your mind, fighting to move you forward.
I want to finish this off with a quote from ancient Taoism founder and philosopher Lao Tzu, which says the following
“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
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